Parenthood

As I sit here watching my precious, beautiful little angel sleeping in her swing I cannot believe it was 6 weeks ago today that she was born. That whole day will stay frozen in my memory forever. Not sleeping the night before, stopping at Starbucks for breakfast on the way to the hospital, the way my heart was pounding the whole way there, the lump in my throat as I slipped into that gown, squeezing Raynor's hand when I was delivering her, and of course the moment the doctor said, "its a beautiful baby girl" and placed her on my tummy. It was love at first sight, and I just could not stop the tears. Raynor leaned down, kissed my forhead and said "I love you" with a quiver in his voice. I did the natural new mom thing, counted fingers and toes and just admired our little miracle. The nurse took her away after a few minutes and weighed and measured her. A perfect 7lbs 4oz. Then Raynor got to hold her for the first time. I will never forget the look on his face as he gazed at his little princess for the first time. Very overwhelmed, teary eyed, and somewhat terrifed. He was head over heals for her just like I was.
Parenthood is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Never has my path in life been so clear. It is a type of joy that I never knew or could have even imagined. You just don't know this kind of love exists until you lay eyes on your child for the first time. You would litterally do anything for them. You just want to protect them from all the bad in the world, even though that is obviously not possible.
Now its not to say that all this joy hasn't come with its trying moments. I don't get much sleep. Thats a give in. But I try to cherish even those exhausted moments I spend with her all hours of the night and early morning on the sofa watching late night television, and the sunrises we have seen together. Just the two of us. There are days the dishes don't get done, days that I have to dig for a pair of clean underwear, nights that I have had to scramble to get a bottle clean while listening to a screaming baby, and times of utter frustration that I just have to sit down and cry. There have been chaotic moments when Raynor and I have snapped at eachother. There are days that I may not get a shower until three in the afternoon. But I think these are normal moments that every parent experiences. And its a small and very fair price to pay for the joy these little people give us!
Six weeks later, I look at my little princess and already can't believe the change in her. She is picking her head up, turning her head from side to side, and even smiling at us :) She has definitely discovered who her mommy is, usually I can calm her crying by simply just picking her up and talking to her. It scares me to know that this time next year our house will be completely baby proofed and she will be a toddler. Weird. I already can't wait to give her a brother or sister even though that isn't a good idea for a couple years!
It absolutely kills me that I have just a little more than a month before I have to return to work. Its something I didn't want to do, but unfortunately is necessary. I have a friend that can watch her on Mondays and Tuesdays, but I haven't figured out the rest of the week yet. My mom works full time and so does Raynor's. The hard part is we can't afford a lot because we are on a tight budget as it is. But we will figure something out. This stuff always has a way of working out. One thing is for sure though, as soon as Raynor gets a new job I'm giving my two weeks notice to the bank!
Anyways, just thought I would share some of my thoughts on this new adventure.