You would think I would be a balancing pro right? I am a banker after all. Well, although I might be able to make a cash drawer with a lot of money in it balance, and on occasion even the vault, I can't seem to be able to balance my life. I just can't do it all.
Growing up I had a mom that could did it all. She was a full time college student when I was little. On top of being college student, she also worked a full time job. On top of the full time job and full time classes she was also a mommy and a wife. She handled her responsiblities with a sort of poise and confidence I have only really seen in her. Our house was always clean. Laundry was always done, my brother and I were always happy. Eventually mom graduated college, twice actually. The first time with her bachelors degree, the second with her masters. She eventually worked her way up the corporate ladder at a very prestigious company and landed herself a sweet corner office and a fancy CEO title. It is also true that I didn't grow up with a mom who was there all the time. She wasn't there when I got home from school, and for about 4 years she had a marketing job that required 70% travel. This of course wasn't while I was little, I was in middle school when she had that job. But I don't hold that against her, she did what she needed to do. She had big dreams and she made them happen. She showed us that hard work really does pay off, trust me it was NOT easy for her to get where she is now.
I guess my problem is I don't know how in the heck she did it. I have been pretty much going crazy lately. I work on Tuesday, Wendesday, Friday and Saturday. Alexxa is with a babysitter Tuesday and Wendesday, Raynor has her on Friday, and one of the Grandma's takes her on Saturday. She is all mine on Monday, Thursday, half of Saturday and all day Sunday. Raynor and I have oposite schedules so we don't have a day off together at all. If I'm off he is working, if I am working, he is off. I feel like things just don't get done around the house. On my days off the house is in desperate need of cleaning, but when I'm cleaning I feel guilty for not spending time with Alexxa, but when I don't clean I feel guilty my daughter doesn't have a clean house. Its just so hard to truly enjoy my time with her when I feel like I need to be playing "catch up" on all the stuff I didn't have time to do when I was working.
I also feel guilty that I am even complaining about this. There are a lot of women out there who are full time working moms and somehow make it work. Women like my mom who just seem to make it all work. I just wish I could figure out how to do it...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Job Drama
Its safe to say, I am feeling just a little discouraged. I have been wanting so badly to get into the healthcare field. I enjoy helping people. Its what I am good at and passionate about. Some would argue that you help people in the banking world, and I'm not saying that isn't true, but I want to help people on a deeper level than that.
I have applied for maybe 15 entry level healthcare-related jobs. Nothing extremely complicated or anything, basic entry level mostly receptionist-like positions. They don't pay much, but I don't care. All I want is a job that will expose me to the terminology and pace of the field so that I can learn. A company I can move up within is desirable too, but not a must. And I am sad to say I have not even gotten a call for an interview. All I get back are stupid little emails saying thanks for your interest and good luck with your search, but you don't have enough experience to work here.
Well where the heck do these people expect me to get my experience? Somebody would have to hire me first!
I guess maybe I'm a little torked (to say the least) because I have never really applied for a job that I haven't gotten. Not to sound cocky, but I do tend to interview really well and I guess I just say the right things. One of my hidden talents I guess. Candy, the manager that first hired me when I started to work at Bank of America said, that even though I had no banking, or really even any money-related experience at the time that I blew it out of the water with at my interview. She took a chance on me when she hired me. It was a good thing that she did, because I have been pretty successful. Naomi told me last week that I could go far in banking if I wanted too, which was very flattering to hear from someone in her position. However not what I want to do with my life. Being the amazing person she is, she completely supports my decision.
So I guess I hope and pray that someone sitting at their desk in an HR department will come across my resume and decide to AT LEAST give me an interview. If I just had the chance to go in there and tell them how badly I want into the field and that I am so excited get back into school and become a nurse. Maybe even some day a Nurse Practioner. What I need is for someone to take a chance on me the way Candy did. I know I am a hard worker. I know that I wouldn't dissapoint them. And I know I can do this. If I at least got in interview and then still got rejected, at least I would then know I did the best I could.
Anyways, I guess the only thing I can do is keep sending in my resumes. Eventually maybe someone will contact me for an interview.
I have applied for maybe 15 entry level healthcare-related jobs. Nothing extremely complicated or anything, basic entry level mostly receptionist-like positions. They don't pay much, but I don't care. All I want is a job that will expose me to the terminology and pace of the field so that I can learn. A company I can move up within is desirable too, but not a must. And I am sad to say I have not even gotten a call for an interview. All I get back are stupid little emails saying thanks for your interest and good luck with your search, but you don't have enough experience to work here.
Well where the heck do these people expect me to get my experience? Somebody would have to hire me first!
I guess maybe I'm a little torked (to say the least) because I have never really applied for a job that I haven't gotten. Not to sound cocky, but I do tend to interview really well and I guess I just say the right things. One of my hidden talents I guess. Candy, the manager that first hired me when I started to work at Bank of America said, that even though I had no banking, or really even any money-related experience at the time that I blew it out of the water with at my interview. She took a chance on me when she hired me. It was a good thing that she did, because I have been pretty successful. Naomi told me last week that I could go far in banking if I wanted too, which was very flattering to hear from someone in her position. However not what I want to do with my life. Being the amazing person she is, she completely supports my decision.
So I guess I hope and pray that someone sitting at their desk in an HR department will come across my resume and decide to AT LEAST give me an interview. If I just had the chance to go in there and tell them how badly I want into the field and that I am so excited get back into school and become a nurse. Maybe even some day a Nurse Practioner. What I need is for someone to take a chance on me the way Candy did. I know I am a hard worker. I know that I wouldn't dissapoint them. And I know I can do this. If I at least got in interview and then still got rejected, at least I would then know I did the best I could.
Anyways, I guess the only thing I can do is keep sending in my resumes. Eventually maybe someone will contact me for an interview.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
No more excuses....
I've decided that I will no longer be making excuses for myself. I am tired of sitting around complaining about my body and being close to tears in dressing rooms when I try on clothes. If I don't do anything about it, then I shouldn't complain right?
Lately, I have been very inspired by some friends and co-workers. They are all busy people with jobs and families and if they can find time in their day to work out and take care of themselves then why can't I? My mom is a hard core business woman who works 100+ hours a week and she still finds time to go for her walks! Even when she is on business trips, she takes her sneakers and sweat pants and heads for the hotel gym while she's there. So, I know I can do it, its just a matter of making it happen, and that part is only up to me. I mean really all it would take is 30 minutes to an hour to head to the gym, and since we have one here at our apartment I would just have to walk across the parking lot. There really is no excuse for not going over there. It is open 24/7 so I could go when Alexxa is asleep for the night, or in the morning.
Last night I started looking online at spring/summer clothes. I didn't have to really go through that torture last year, because I was pregnant, and well I never had a problem with maturnity clothes. They just always looked good on me! But this summer is going to be different. I will not be pregnant, and I would rather not sit around feeling sorry for myself not wanting to go to the pool and flat out refusing to put on shorts. I have always hated my legs. And does it seem like the shorts just keep getting shorter every year? I think they do! The last few years I have only wore capri pants or burmuda shorts because I have been sooooo self concious about my legs. Raynor is always encouraging that I look fine, but I dont listen lol! But this year, I am determined to wear real shorts and feel confident about myself. I'm definitely not saying I want to dress like a hoochie mama, but I would like to be able to wear real summer clothes and not feel terrible about it.
Anyways, here is what I am going to do. I am going to start out small, and easy. I am going to commit to going to the gym 5 days a week for no more than an hour. And I will start on something easy like the epliptical or the treadmill. I have always enjoyed the eliptical because I can go a long time on it without getting tired, and I think its a pretty good work out for your legs and theighs. As far as food goes, I'm just going to start eating healthier, and cutting down the amount that I would normally eat. You see, with me its more about portion control because I really can eat a lot if I want too! The other night I had 1 slice of pizza instead of my usual 3 and I was prefectly fine and no longer hungry. I will not totally give up the treats either. I don't think its wrong to treat yourself to some ice cream once a week, or some yummy popcorn at the movies. But there are also healthier options for treats too. I think frozen yogurt is delicious and its also WAY less calories.
Anyways, this is my commitment to myself. I know I can do it, and maybe for once in long time I will feel good about myself this summer! Go me!
Lately, I have been very inspired by some friends and co-workers. They are all busy people with jobs and families and if they can find time in their day to work out and take care of themselves then why can't I? My mom is a hard core business woman who works 100+ hours a week and she still finds time to go for her walks! Even when she is on business trips, she takes her sneakers and sweat pants and heads for the hotel gym while she's there. So, I know I can do it, its just a matter of making it happen, and that part is only up to me. I mean really all it would take is 30 minutes to an hour to head to the gym, and since we have one here at our apartment I would just have to walk across the parking lot. There really is no excuse for not going over there. It is open 24/7 so I could go when Alexxa is asleep for the night, or in the morning.
Last night I started looking online at spring/summer clothes. I didn't have to really go through that torture last year, because I was pregnant, and well I never had a problem with maturnity clothes. They just always looked good on me! But this summer is going to be different. I will not be pregnant, and I would rather not sit around feeling sorry for myself not wanting to go to the pool and flat out refusing to put on shorts. I have always hated my legs. And does it seem like the shorts just keep getting shorter every year? I think they do! The last few years I have only wore capri pants or burmuda shorts because I have been sooooo self concious about my legs. Raynor is always encouraging that I look fine, but I dont listen lol! But this year, I am determined to wear real shorts and feel confident about myself. I'm definitely not saying I want to dress like a hoochie mama, but I would like to be able to wear real summer clothes and not feel terrible about it.
Anyways, here is what I am going to do. I am going to start out small, and easy. I am going to commit to going to the gym 5 days a week for no more than an hour. And I will start on something easy like the epliptical or the treadmill. I have always enjoyed the eliptical because I can go a long time on it without getting tired, and I think its a pretty good work out for your legs and theighs. As far as food goes, I'm just going to start eating healthier, and cutting down the amount that I would normally eat. You see, with me its more about portion control because I really can eat a lot if I want too! The other night I had 1 slice of pizza instead of my usual 3 and I was prefectly fine and no longer hungry. I will not totally give up the treats either. I don't think its wrong to treat yourself to some ice cream once a week, or some yummy popcorn at the movies. But there are also healthier options for treats too. I think frozen yogurt is delicious and its also WAY less calories.
Anyways, this is my commitment to myself. I know I can do it, and maybe for once in long time I will feel good about myself this summer! Go me!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Career Changes
Its really no secret that I haven't been happy at the bank for quite some time. Its not the people, or really even the job, banking is just clearly not for me. I feel like I have been there long enough now (4 years) to know if it is really for me or not. And clearly...its not!
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and came to the obvious conclusion that it is time for a career change. Its taken me months of thinking and a lot of weighing back and forth, but I think that being a nurse would be the perfect job for me. I don't faint at the sight of blood, I'm not squeemish, and some of the gross things that nurses have to do, wouldn't really phase me. It also pays very well, not that money is everything, but it certainly helps! I also would be helping people, which is my biggest passion. The hours are also amazing! I would be working 12 hour shifts 3 days a week. And if I wanted to I could work nights, so I would only be away from Alexxa when she is sleeping.
So obviously I need to get back into school, which I am planning on doing this summer. In the meantime though, I feel like I need a change of sceanery. Something that will expose me to the medical world, so I can learn the terminology and also a company that I can grow within. I've applied for several jobs at various different hospitals. Since I have just begun my search, I haven't got any phone calls yet. I really don't expect the right opportunity to come along very soon though, just because I don't have any experience in the medical field and there are so many qualified applicants out there right now. I am really crossing my fingers to work for Legacy. They are such a great company, and they would help me pay for a portion of my nursing school. I can take a lot of the certifications at the hospital actually, and at my favorite price...FREE! I have applied for I think...like 3 or 4 positions there so hopefully something will work out. I'm not even looking to make a lot of money, just to learn.
Right now, I am probably the happiest I have ever been since working at the bank. I have a great team at work, and a manager that truly supports and cares about her employees. Because she has been so fabulous and has supported me in all my personal and career decisions, I decided I didn't want to leave her in the dark about all this. I would have felt really bad if she had gotten a phone call about me applying for jobs elsewhere and got the wrong idea. So last week I decided to sit down and talk to Naomi about it. I wasn't really sure if it was the right decision, but what was the worst thing that could have happened? And she was more than supportive of me! She said she wants all of her employees to be happy and fallow their dreams. And she asked me to keep her in the loop about interviews and things. That made me feel so much better about it!
I am so excited about the possiblilities of this new adventure! Wish me luck!
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and came to the obvious conclusion that it is time for a career change. Its taken me months of thinking and a lot of weighing back and forth, but I think that being a nurse would be the perfect job for me. I don't faint at the sight of blood, I'm not squeemish, and some of the gross things that nurses have to do, wouldn't really phase me. It also pays very well, not that money is everything, but it certainly helps! I also would be helping people, which is my biggest passion. The hours are also amazing! I would be working 12 hour shifts 3 days a week. And if I wanted to I could work nights, so I would only be away from Alexxa when she is sleeping.
So obviously I need to get back into school, which I am planning on doing this summer. In the meantime though, I feel like I need a change of sceanery. Something that will expose me to the medical world, so I can learn the terminology and also a company that I can grow within. I've applied for several jobs at various different hospitals. Since I have just begun my search, I haven't got any phone calls yet. I really don't expect the right opportunity to come along very soon though, just because I don't have any experience in the medical field and there are so many qualified applicants out there right now. I am really crossing my fingers to work for Legacy. They are such a great company, and they would help me pay for a portion of my nursing school. I can take a lot of the certifications at the hospital actually, and at my favorite price...FREE! I have applied for I think...like 3 or 4 positions there so hopefully something will work out. I'm not even looking to make a lot of money, just to learn.
Right now, I am probably the happiest I have ever been since working at the bank. I have a great team at work, and a manager that truly supports and cares about her employees. Because she has been so fabulous and has supported me in all my personal and career decisions, I decided I didn't want to leave her in the dark about all this. I would have felt really bad if she had gotten a phone call about me applying for jobs elsewhere and got the wrong idea. So last week I decided to sit down and talk to Naomi about it. I wasn't really sure if it was the right decision, but what was the worst thing that could have happened? And she was more than supportive of me! She said she wants all of her employees to be happy and fallow their dreams. And she asked me to keep her in the loop about interviews and things. That made me feel so much better about it!
I am so excited about the possiblilities of this new adventure! Wish me luck!
Monday, February 1, 2010
My first sick day as a mommy
I think one of the biggest challenges of motherhood is when your sick. You see, when your a mom you can't just lay around and be lazy and feel sorry for yourself when sick. I am a huge baby and wimp, so typically thats what I do when I don't feel well. I lay around in bed, while Raynor waits on me. I eat chicken noodle soup and catch up on all my daytime soaps. But now that I am a mommy, those days are over. Life must go on, no matter how crappy I feel.
These last few days I have had major neck and shoulder pain and I've been feeling really crappy. This morning was worse though. I woke up to Alexxa talking and cooing and being all cute in her crib. Raynor said he would go in and get her while I made her bottle. Usually when he is home, I insist on going in and getting her because shes all happy and smilily and its my favorite time of the day with her. But today because my neck has been so sore, I didn't want to lift her so I had him get her up and changed while I made the bottle. Well, let me tell ya, I made it to the kitchen, opened the cupboard to get the bottle and made a straight b-line for the bathroom. My head was spinning, and I was all of the sudden very nauseous. I've thrown up a few times, right now I feel a little better but still really tired and weak. I really don't think its the flu, its probably got something to do with my neck pain I've had. I have been taking some really strong pain killers, and I have always been sensitive to narcotic pain medication. Raynor didn't want to go to work, but he doesn't have any paid time for sick days and we really can't afford for him to take an unpaid day. I called my mom and she has meetings scheduled for the whole day at work. She said if it gets really bad to call her though, and she could leave if she HAD too.
So far today, Alexxa has been pretty good. She played on the floor this morning for a bit under her play gym. When she got tired of that she did alright in her swing, and now she is laying with me in my bed. She seems to be pretty content with me right here next to her. Soon, it will be time for her morning nap so I'm hoping she gives me a good one today.
Anyways, please keep me in your rhoughts and prayers today, its going to be tough.
These last few days I have had major neck and shoulder pain and I've been feeling really crappy. This morning was worse though. I woke up to Alexxa talking and cooing and being all cute in her crib. Raynor said he would go in and get her while I made her bottle. Usually when he is home, I insist on going in and getting her because shes all happy and smilily and its my favorite time of the day with her. But today because my neck has been so sore, I didn't want to lift her so I had him get her up and changed while I made the bottle. Well, let me tell ya, I made it to the kitchen, opened the cupboard to get the bottle and made a straight b-line for the bathroom. My head was spinning, and I was all of the sudden very nauseous. I've thrown up a few times, right now I feel a little better but still really tired and weak. I really don't think its the flu, its probably got something to do with my neck pain I've had. I have been taking some really strong pain killers, and I have always been sensitive to narcotic pain medication. Raynor didn't want to go to work, but he doesn't have any paid time for sick days and we really can't afford for him to take an unpaid day. I called my mom and she has meetings scheduled for the whole day at work. She said if it gets really bad to call her though, and she could leave if she HAD too.
So far today, Alexxa has been pretty good. She played on the floor this morning for a bit under her play gym. When she got tired of that she did alright in her swing, and now she is laying with me in my bed. She seems to be pretty content with me right here next to her. Soon, it will be time for her morning nap so I'm hoping she gives me a good one today.
Anyways, please keep me in your rhoughts and prayers today, its going to be tough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
