You would think I would be a balancing pro right? I am a banker after all. Well, although I might be able to make a cash drawer with a lot of money in it balance, and on occasion even the vault, I can't seem to be able to balance my life. I just can't do it all.
Growing up I had a mom that could did it all. She was a full time college student when I was little. On top of being college student, she also worked a full time job. On top of the full time job and full time classes she was also a mommy and a wife. She handled her responsiblities with a sort of poise and confidence I have only really seen in her. Our house was always clean. Laundry was always done, my brother and I were always happy. Eventually mom graduated college, twice actually. The first time with her bachelors degree, the second with her masters. She eventually worked her way up the corporate ladder at a very prestigious company and landed herself a sweet corner office and a fancy CEO title. It is also true that I didn't grow up with a mom who was there all the time. She wasn't there when I got home from school, and for about 4 years she had a marketing job that required 70% travel. This of course wasn't while I was little, I was in middle school when she had that job. But I don't hold that against her, she did what she needed to do. She had big dreams and she made them happen. She showed us that hard work really does pay off, trust me it was NOT easy for her to get where she is now.
I guess my problem is I don't know how in the heck she did it. I have been pretty much going crazy lately. I work on Tuesday, Wendesday, Friday and Saturday. Alexxa is with a babysitter Tuesday and Wendesday, Raynor has her on Friday, and one of the Grandma's takes her on Saturday. She is all mine on Monday, Thursday, half of Saturday and all day Sunday. Raynor and I have oposite schedules so we don't have a day off together at all. If I'm off he is working, if I am working, he is off. I feel like things just don't get done around the house. On my days off the house is in desperate need of cleaning, but when I'm cleaning I feel guilty for not spending time with Alexxa, but when I don't clean I feel guilty my daughter doesn't have a clean house. Its just so hard to truly enjoy my time with her when I feel like I need to be playing "catch up" on all the stuff I didn't have time to do when I was working.
I also feel guilty that I am even complaining about this. There are a lot of women out there who are full time working moms and somehow make it work. Women like my mom who just seem to make it all work. I just wish I could figure out how to do it...
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You will figure it out, it just takes time to adjust. One day or night a week do the major cleaning that you find yourself playing catch up on, like on your "Friday". One of you try to get the dishes done every night before bed, or just clean as you cook. Make Sunday laundry day, I find this day to be best. Alexxa is only a few months old and nobody excepts you to be perfect right now. You are still a new mommy dear. Heck I have days where I don't to do anything, If I can be a great mom as a "single" parent then I know that you and Raynor can... Breathe Erin... = )
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