Stressful times...

Let me just start off by saying, I hate money. I really hate money. I know that sounds funny coming from someone who works with it all day long, but I hate it. Money complicates everything. Its ruins people, it ruins families, it ruins marriages. People get so caught up with how big their bank accounts are, and the things they have. Money drives people to do incredibly stupid things. I'm not saying I am a saint, I am just as caught up in meterialism as everyone else. I like nice things like designer purses, shoes, handbags, and sunglasses. I love adding cute things to my closet and watching it grow. And I would LOVE to have a shiney new car some day and a big beautiful house. But in the end does this make us happy? We certainly don't take it with us when we die.
I am on this rant because for the last 9 months (since I got pregnant) Raynor and I have been sooo excited about becoming parents and our little bundle of joy being in our arms soon. We can't wait to hear that first cry, see the first toothless smile, and whitness those wobbly first steps. We are stoked about the whole thing. We both know (some people keep reminding us) that babies are hard work. They are expensive. They wake up at night. We know this. But people have been getting through it since the beginning of time, and something just tells me that all those sweet little moments make it so worth it. It doesn't seem fair that our excitement is dulled sometimes because we are still not quite sure how this whole little adventure will play out financially. But I stress about it every day and so does he. Raynor wants so bad to be able to take care of his family and make enough money so I don't have to go back to work. It is very important to him to fullfill my wish to be a stay at home mom at least until our child is in school. But it isn't his fault that the job market sucks. The poor guy has been working 3 jobs since we found out we were expecting this baby back in February. On top of that he has been filling out applications and sending out resumes every spare second he gets. But there are so many qualified applicants out there that are unemployed. It is just so sad. But in my opinion it is our meterialistic, need to have everything, living above our means ways that has got America into this mess. As I stated above, I am just as guilty as the next guy.
Basically, we have a few months to make a decision. I get 12 weeks off with pay from the bank. I know those 3 months will fly by though. After that the paychecks will stop and we will have to decide if I will return to work or not. The other problem is with the amount of money I make, compared to the cost of child care we would almost just be turning dollars. The other option is finding someone that does childcare in their home to watch her, sometimes that is cheaper. I just don't trust anyone enough to do that. That may sound a little paranoid, but I personally know someone whos child was molested by the son of his babysitter. To me, that is a huge price to pay for keeping your job. Our other option is to try and work oposite shifts. One of us work while the other stays home with the baby. I can't help but think about the toll that would take on our relationship though. Raynor would work early, early mornings from 3am-9am and then I would work during the day. He would be exhausted, and I would barely get to see the baby because I would pretty much be coming home to put her to bed. So what is the easy solution? Just trust that it will all work itself out? I wish I knew...